Shame on singlehood!


I had planned to write another piece following up on my last post about Polygamy and Mormon’s. And then I went to work and I sat talking for a while with a man who has been married for almost 50 years to the same woman. He was giving me a little fatherly advice on dating and marriage and such. I was happy and quite content when the conversation started and while I know he meant well, by the end of the conversation I was feeling more than a little sad.

Not the down and out I hate my life and wish someone would roll over me with an 18 wheeler kind of sad. Not even the I need to sit in my room with a box of tissues and an even bigger bucket of Ben and Jerry’s kind of sad. Just a deep sigh of I want something more kind of sad.

You see, Im single, and thirty and sometimes I just feel really alone. This is a world built for couples, for families and I am tired of being just me.

There was a time, and not so very long ago that I would have been a little ashamed to admit that so openly and brazenly. But its true. Somehow its easy to feel ashamed of those desires as though by saying that I want to be married I am admitting to being a mindless knit wit of a girl who sees value in herself only if she is loved by someone. It’s not that I feel that I am getting so old, or that I see all my friends married and feel left out, it’s not that I feel that I must be unlovable if I don’t have some man doting on me and getting down on one knee to propose. It’s not even that I am often lonely, although I am. It’s none of those things.

I am a pretty confident person, I have made my own way in the world, determined my path in life, set out on an adventure that I never would have dreamed possible, traveled the world, met all kinds of people, seen some really amazing and some really awful things. I have lived alone in my own place and enjoyed the independence of doing what I want when I want without worrying about another person. I have earned a degree, written a book, performed on stage, had many different experiences that I am really glad that I have had.

But I want to find out what married couples fight about and start fighting…and making up. I want to have someone who calls during the day just to see how my day was. To have someone who will hold me when I am having pain, who will listen when I need to talk and who will talk with me. I want to go to the grocery store and buy for more than one. I want to pick up someone else’s clothes and put them in the hamper when he forgets. I want to have inside jokes and memories that come with years of living with a person and knowing them so well that you can get as much from a look as you could from a whole paragraph.

I want a family, a baby, children, a mess in the house, piles of laundry to do. I want the bad days when dinner burns, the baby wont stop crying, the dishwasher broke and I just want to sit on the floor in defeat and wonder if I am crazy to be trying this at all. And I want the good days too where everything goes well and my husband arrives home to a tasty dinner on the table and our brilliant children quietly helping with chores and me looking more beautiful than ever greeting him at the door with a kiss. (Ok so maybe that’s asking for a bit much) I want to bring a spirit into this world, a human being and watch them grow, and teach them and see them grow into an individual. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I created something so complete and perfect, and amazing as a little person! I have loved being by myself! I really have but now I want to start spending the rest of my life with someone. I want to start a family and look forward to grand kids, I want to move on. What I don’t want is to be married just to get it done. I am happy single…most of the time. But I would still rather be single and unhappy than married and unhappy. At least then you have something to look forward to. I read this quote today from a book called the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie society. It goes like this. ” I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.”
And so at the end of the day, when I come home and briefly cross paths with my roommates ( who I love and adore), eat my dinner alone and then sit here and complain to the universe at large about my desire to be married. I refuse to feel small and insignificant, I wont feel like a simple, sweet, girl, who just wants to be married. I will be happy with my life and accomplishments, I will look forward to the next stage of life. I will feel like a grown woman who wants more out of life than what I have and I wont be ashamed.

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4 thoughts on “Shame on singlehood!

  1. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about wanting to be married! The only people who are truly happy being single are those who would turn down the hypothetical perfect guy if he came along.

    I want to get married. I want to have kids. That is my only goal in life, anything else is secondary. That’s actually why I started my blog, to give hope to others like me that life can go well when your only goal is having a family.

    It sounds like you’ve had an interesting life and I expect you’re going to meet someone eventually. Until then, keep being confident!

  2. diddadowrite says:

    thanks! I am sure there are many of us out there that feel the way I do. I look forward to reading your blog! Thanks for commenting!

    • diddadowrite says:

      thanks for reposting. Ive been doing a little reading on your blog as well. I enjoy your style and the fact that you introduce so many other bloggers. great job!

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