Guys and Girls…Are we really different?

If you read my post about how dating is difficult for girls,

then it would be easy to feel like this cute little poster I found. I’m sure I could find a similar sentiment from the guys about girls. The thing is, dating for guys can be difficult too. I tend to think that it’s just girls that have a hard time with putting themselves out there and being left hanging but really it’s not any easier for guys…its just different.

They probably don’t want us to know it but guys analyze things as much as girls do. ” Its been 10 minutes and she still hasn’t texted me back, Is she trying to think of a nice way to say no?”

“She mentioned that she loves rock climbing and she knows I go all the time was she hinting that she wanted me to take her?”

After all guys are still human. I know we wonder sometimes but they are. Guys have a really hard job too. They are supposed to decode our flirting, determine when “I’m busy” really means I’m busy and when it means “I’m not interested.” They have to put themselves out there to ask us out, spend money on dates, and then wonder if we are going out with them because we are too scared or shy to say no or if we really are truly interested. Its got to be hard, In talking with my guy friends I have found a new appreciation for what guys go through with dating.

I have a friend, he is a really nice guy. He is sweet, kind, super up beat and happy. An over all good guy. He asked a girl out the other day… it took him several weeks to get up the courage to ask. He started out by trying to start a conversation with her at a church function. He failed…five times. That can hurt. failed attempts at conversation can be painful. He attended a dance hoping she would be there in spite of the fact that he hates dances. She wasnt there. He attended a lecture hoping to see her there, she was and he couldn’t manage to find a chance to speak with her.

Finally he went for the last desperate attempt and called her up directly and asked her out.

Her answer was “We’ll see.”

I think for guys that is the equivalent of getting asked out by text for a girl. It just should never happen. At te very least a girl should be able to say either yes or no. “We’ll see” is just a low blow.

This same guy took a girl out only to find that she talked non stop about herself and he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. What was worse is that when he said “So I love applebees so I thought we could go there for dinner.” She said “I hate applebees”

When he said I love baseball!” She said Oh gosh I think it’s the lamest sport”

Everything he liked she hated, everything he thought she had a different opinion. In short the date was awful and he ended up resorting to the 811 tactic.

The 811 for those of you who need clarifying, is when a guy will text a friend 811 while on a date which is code for “call me with an emergency so that I can end my date early.” And girls don’t even pretend to be offended you know we have our equivalent ways of helping each other out of situations that we don’t want to be in. We can’t begrudge them their simple 811.

So I guess I learned a few things

1.) Guys and girls aren’t so different after all

2.) Dating can be hard whether you are a guy or a girl

3.) Since we are all just human beings who all want the same thing…to find someone to love. Maybe we can help each other out and with a little understanding, a little honesty, and a willingness to take a risk we can find a way to have a bit of fun in this whole dating adventure.

Oh yeah and I also learned that if I’m on a date with a guy who suddenly gets an emergency phone call I’ve probably just been 811’d

2 thoughts on “Guys and Girls…Are we really different?

  1. whither.zither says:

    It’s nice to see that at least some women can understand that dating can be a challenge for guys.

    As a guy, here’s my biggest frustration in dating:

    (a) each woman carries in her mind a set of expectations and assumptions about how a man is supposed to behave. It’s like women have a movie script in their head, a plan for how they think their love lives should happen. But they tend to (I) not communicate these expectations very clearly and (II) regard their preferences as normal, natural, and the way things ought to be.

    (b) women expect men to initiate every step of the way. We have to ask you out. We have to plan the date. We have to pay for the date. We have to drive to your house, take you to the event, and take you home. We have to decide the right time to hold hands, kiss, or anything else including proposing marriage. But if we do ANYTHING that’s not according to the woman’s script, she tends to get upset or angry or irritated with us. Yet she usually won’t communicate her preferences directly when we ask. In almost 20 years of dating, I’ve had dates with exactly 2 women who were capable of communicating directly. And, regrettably, they communicated directly by telling me that they didn’t want to see me any more. The remainder of the dates just drop out of contact, don’t return my phone calls.

    Thus, guys learn very quickly that when dealing with most women, it’s her way or the highway. I’m over 30, and I have basically given up on dating. I also have several guy friends who’ve totally given up on dating. It’s not worth the hassle. The costs and effort aren’t worth the benefits.

  2. diddadowrite says:

    Wow thankyou for your reply! In writing this post I really wanted to make an effort to see dating from a guys perspective. I talked to several guy friends and felt like I had at least some idea of the frustrations you guys feel. I genuinely appreciated your response. I learned something from what you had to say. I also find it a bit ironic that in reality we all want the same things. The very things that I complained about being difficult for girls are the very things you complained about wishing girls wouldnt do so much of. Makes me wonder if there is a way to rethink how we do the whole program. At any rate it will make a difference for me personally. I would love to hear more from other guys like you!

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