Creeper 101

Jimmy, could have written the instruction manual for bad dates. If he had been playing how to creep a girl out in ten minutes. He would have won. No contest. Jimmy, was the friend of a friend. I met him at ward prayer one night and he asked our mutual friend for my phone number. We scheduled a date for the following Friday night. Friday morning I woke feeling congested and a little sick. I didn’t want to cancel on him at the last-minute so I decided to just see how the day went. I didn’t really get feeling any better but I wasn’t any worse either so I just decided to roll with it and go on the date.

He picked me up and we drove to a look out spot over the valley. He said that he wanted to show me what he had planned for the date. We got out of the car and he pointed to a mountain peak on the other side of Utah Lake. I thought we could drive over there and do some hiking he said. It would take us about an hour to get there and an hour to get back, and I wasn’t feeling up for a hike let alone a date that was going to last that long. Besides, I wasn’t sure I was comfortable being THAT alone with him.

“You know, I would rather not,” I said, “I’m just not feeling that great and I think hiking would be a bit much for me.”

He seemed a bit put out. “Fine he said your other option is to just take a walk along the Provo river trail and then go back to my place and have some ice cream and watch four episodes of The Rules of Engagement, at that point you can decide if you like it and want to watch more.”

I laughed thinking that surely he was joking.

“Really, four episodes,” I said “and what if I decide what I think after only two?”

“you can’t,” he said, “you have to watch four”

Already I knew this was going to be a long date.

Alright lets walk for a minute I said, but I don’t want to go far.

We walked and talked and he told me about his job at Wal-Mart. He was really defensive about everything and kept telling me that I was probably thinking bad things about him. It was starting to creep me out. So I decided to change the subject.

“Tell me a little about your Mom,” I said.

He described his relationship with her and what a great mom she was, then he said “You know, I think being a stay at home mom is one of the most selfish things a woman can do.”

I laughed, “You mean selfLESS right? You said selfISH”

“No I meant selfish. I think if a woman can be out making money so her family can have a better lifestyle she should.” He said.

 

“Are you joking?” I asked. “I wouldn’t care if we had to live in a tent. I want to be the one to take care of my children. I think women that make that sacrifice are incredible and I think that THINGS aren’t nearly as important as spending time with my kids.”

“Lets just agree to disagree.” he said.

“I think I’m done walking,” I said. “Let’s head back to the car.”

We arrived at his apartment and his landlord was doing some work in the kitchen. He told us he would be done in a few minutes and told us we could go across the street and look at another apartment he had just finished to see what he was working on. He said the door was open. We went and sure enough the door was sitting wide open. We peaked in the doorway and there was a couple making out on the couch. I ducked out feeling a little uncomfortable having walked in on them, and more uncomfortable by the fact that my date had stayed behind to watch.

When he did catch up to me he said, “People don’t do that enough around here. I kind of enjoy seeing it.”

I looked around uncomfortably, unsure of what I should say and caught the sympathetic eye of the landlord.

He came to my rescue, ” Well, that’s the beauty of the gospel, he said, we learn about what is appropriate and what is not.”

My date seemed put out that his landlord had inserted himself into our conversation. “You are not allowed to fall in love with him, Vilate” he said, ” He is already married.”

There was no recovering from that awkwardness so we started the show, it wasn’t actually too bad but after two episodes I was feeling even more sick, it was almost 10 pm and I was exhausted. “You know what?” I said, I actually like your show, but I am not feeling so good. Can we call it a night?”

“We still have two more episodes to watch” he said. “We aren’t done.”

“I am done.” I said, meaning that in several different ways. “Take me home now!”

He stood and walked out to the car without saying a word. The drive home was pretty quiet as well until we turned onto my street. “Im sorry about my landlord, he said he is such a douche, I mean who talks about the church like that when it’s not even Sunday?”

I couldn’t believe this guy! “The gospel is a part of my life, every day, so I would think it would be perfectly ok to talk about it every day.” I told him.

“Well I just think you should keep sacred things, sacred,” was his lame response.

We pulled into my driveway. “I wont be walking you to the door.” He told me.

I almost laughed in relief and got out of the car. I couldn’t hardly believe that this gut was for real.

The next day I got a text from him asking me if I wanted to go see a movie!

I thought long and hard about my response. Somehow HELL NO which is what I was thinking just didn’t feel like the right response.

“I see no value in spending any more time in your company.” I responded.

“Well I had already ruled you out as a prospect for dating” he said, “I just thought we could see a movie.”

I chose to let him have his little last jab, in favor of ending the conversation. I think he may have won an award for worst date ever. I fully expected to see his mug shot on the news any day.