Monopoly or Love…what’s the difference?

Have you ever played a board game with a little kid? It can be rather confusing. There is no rhyme or reason to the rules. If you pass go and collect $200 they just out of the blue decide that actually passing go means you pay them $200. You only get three rolls in yahtzemr_monopolye but if they don’t get the dice they want somehow they get 5 or 6. It means that you carry them around on your shoulders when ever they want, clap and cheer for them when they win or when they lose, and basically do whatever they want. It’s a total guessing game as to what the rules are and somehow they just expect you to know.
I’ve always known that guys are really just little boys in grown up bodies so it shouldn’t surprise me that they play with the same kind of rules but it doesn’t make it any less confusing.
When I first joined the LDS church I thought I understood how dating worked (based of course on the TV shows I had seen and the books I had read.) Basically boy meets girl, they both just somehow know they like each other, they fall in love, things don’t work out quite as planned, they have a tearful but mutual goodbye, hearts are broken and it is sad, you shed a few tears it’s a little romantic and then they get over it and meet someone wonderful who makes up for everything and makes you realize that of course this is how things were meant to be all along. Then you get married and live happily ever after. Those were the rules. Or at least I thought.
My experience has been something more along these lines.
You spend way too long wondering when MR. Wonderful is going to come along, and then you meet someone and they are great, and you wonder, could this be it? But he never says the word date even though you are spending a lot of time together. There is not a magical “knowing” and so you assume that there is nothing there. You continue, thinking you are just friends until one day he gives too much of his heart and you break it without ever realizing that it was on the line. You feel horrible, but move on wondering how you missed the signals, you thought you were following the rules.
So, you meet someone else, he is exhibiting the same behavior, spending lots of time with you, telling you all the things you want to hear, buying you things and becoming your best friend. You recognize that you have seen this behavior before and you think “Ok, I know what this means. Now could I like this guy?”
It feels a little weird to consider it, he feels like just a friend but, hey we don’t want a repeat of last time and you want to be sure. So you give it a shot. And about the time you have put your heart on the line he tells you how beautiful he thinks your room-mate is and asks you if you think he ought to ask her out. Totally confused you get angry and wonder how you missed the signs, how you hadn’t followed the rules yet again. But you adjust move on and figure you learned something for next time.
This time you meet a guy that you can’t keep your eyes off of and you can only cross your fingers and hope. He notices you just enough to keep you guessing, spends just enough time with you to keep you confused, then just when you are about to give up on him as a lost cause he tells you he likes you, spends the next year or more making you feel like your world revolves around him and just at the moment when you can vividly see your future with him as the central character, he tells you he just doesn’t feel it after all.
The hurt that you thought was supposed to last a short time, lingers and months later just the thought of him makes you feel like you swallowed an elephant and it got stuck in your throat. He on the other hand has moved on and is happily engaged to be married to someone he just met.
I don’t know what the rules are anymore, in fact I’m not even sure which game we are playing anymore. Nothing has worked out the way I thought it would. And so when the nicest guy I’ve met comes along and starts spending time with me, I’m not going to assume we are just friends, I am not going to assume he is interested, I am not going to follow the rules I set for myself, in fact I am going to pretend like none of it is happening at all. Because that’s the only option left. I don’t want to love someone right now, I don’t know if I could, or if I would if things had been different. I know I enjoy spending time with him, so as long as he wants to I am going to. I know that he makes me feel comfortable and happy, so I don’t want to hurt him. Maybe he will read this and know where I stand, how I feel, and have a better idea of how to play this game than I do. I believe that he is one of the best men I have met. Beyond that all I know is that I don’t know enough to know what to think.

So, if i’ve managed to confuse you…GOOD. We are even.

My Sister Steve

I have a lot of sisters. More than most anyway. I love all of them, but…

Today I want to introduce you to Stephanie.

When Stephanie (not her real name) showed up I couldn’t have been more excited. It changed my world. She was the cutest thing to ever grace the planet. She came out a whopping 10 lbs 12 oz. She came smiling and cooing and flirting with the doctors. And boy was she a lady! As she grew into a toddler she was gracious, proper, sweet and good. Her golden curls framed her cherub face and accented her bright blue eyes.

She loved her pretty dresses, she loved being doted on and fawned over. She posed for pictures (and yes we encouraged her plenty) and she was everybody’s sweetheart.

When she was a little older, she turned into quite the tomboy. She climbed on the roof, set a fire in the shed, gathered the snails that were oh so plentiful in our large garden and threw them at passing cars. She played in the dirt, teased the neighbors, pulled pranks and played tackle football with the boys. And we started calling her Steve,

She started running the tractor around the yard, digging trenches and shoveling truck loads of dirt and she got strong! She earned the nickname Lumber Jill. She got her way and nobody wanted to cross her. She was my big little sister.

A little over a year ago, she was in a horrible accident and almost died. She broke her femur, her back, her neck, all her ribs, and did incredible damage to other parts of her body. Those injuries will probably always be with her. One of the changes,(whether it was from the accident itself or whether it was from the experience I guess we’ll never know) changed her in a way that has been fun to see. She became more open. Since then more people are seeing one of the things that I have always loved about her. Her sense of humor. She is hysterical. She has friends on Facebook who are really mostly her friends so that they can see the funny random things that she posts.

So I thought I would give you a little taste of the Steve that I know. Here is a text message conversation from my cell phone. It’s funny, but the funniest part was that…

she had it with herself.

She saw my phone laying on the table and she started answering her own texts.

So here it is…

Hey pal its been awhile…

I know I missed your quick wit

Aw you’re sweet! 🙂

I know if I was a popsicle I would lick myself…

lol that sounds kind of bad

I know, I was trying to give you a visual but ended up giving myself a visual too and that was weird.

Yeah I bet lol. Speaking of popsicles I saw your boyfriend yesterday

Oh yeah what was he doing? And more importantly what was he wearing…

It was a nurses uniform and he was cleaning gutters at the old folks home. I saw his thighs.

…um I hope you told the bishop.

He sees them all the time, why do I have to tell him. Theres gutters at the bishops too ya know.

Oh right. Well at least they’re hot.

Yeah like bacon.

I had bacon once. It was a bad experience. lol

It wasnt fully cooked was it

no, it was still on the pig. I’m scared of pigs

You know people back in the olden days used to brush their teeth with the hair from a pigs butt!

While it was still on the pig?

Of course not silly! They pluck pigs once a week and save the hair.

Oh…that makes sense. Hey where’s that book you were telling me about yesterday?

The one about the orgasmic brownies?

No sicko! The one about how to clean ear wax out of your ear with a bobby pin.

O yeah, I dropped it in the toilet

How the heck did you do that?

It’s an inappropriate story…

hhhmmm I can just imagine.

Hey, I have my reasons and most of the time they are valid

Yeah? Like the time my cat got butt rash…Nothing was valid about that.

Well there are exceptions to everything. I didn’t know paprika was bad for cats.

There is such a thing as Wikipedia…

Do I look like a person who googles stuff like that?

Well you never know, you are kind of weird.

Yeah I do eat weird things but at least I wash my hands after.

Not with soap.

Soap stinks.

So does deodorant but you use that. Or wait…no you don’t. lol

Hey! I have a problem! I do everything I can.

Um growing your arm hair out and braiding it is not doing everything. In fact, its making things worse.

Well excuse me for trying to make myself dignified.

Dignified! The best you can do is barely civil!

You’re rude

Yeah. But I have a cute face 🙂

Cute in whose opinion?

That’s my sister. She keeps us laughing.