My Sister Steve

I have a lot of sisters. More than most anyway. I love all of them, but…

Today I want to introduce you to Stephanie.

When Stephanie (not her real name) showed up I couldn’t have been more excited. It changed my world. She was the cutest thing to ever grace the planet. She came out a whopping 10 lbs 12 oz. She came smiling and cooing and flirting with the doctors. And boy was she a lady! As she grew into a toddler she was gracious, proper, sweet and good. Her golden curls framed her cherub face and accented her bright blue eyes.

She loved her pretty dresses, she loved being doted on and fawned over. She posed for pictures (and yes we encouraged her plenty) and she was everybody’s sweetheart.

When she was a little older, she turned into quite the tomboy. She climbed on the roof, set a fire in the shed, gathered the snails that were oh so plentiful in our large garden and threw them at passing cars. She played in the dirt, teased the neighbors, pulled pranks and played tackle football with the boys. And we started calling her Steve,

She started running the tractor around the yard, digging trenches and shoveling truck loads of dirt and she got strong! She earned the nickname Lumber Jill. She got her way and nobody wanted to cross her. She was my big little sister.

A little over a year ago, she was in a horrible accident and almost died. She broke her femur, her back, her neck, all her ribs, and did incredible damage to other parts of her body. Those injuries will probably always be with her. One of the changes,(whether it was from the accident itself or whether it was from the experience I guess we’ll never know) changed her in a way that has been fun to see. She became more open. Since then more people are seeing one of the things that I have always loved about her. Her sense of humor. She is hysterical. She has friends on Facebook who are really mostly her friends so that they can see the funny random things that she posts.

So I thought I would give you a little taste of the Steve that I know. Here is a text message conversation from my cell phone. It’s funny, but the funniest part was that…

she had it with herself.

She saw my phone laying on the table and she started answering her own texts.

So here it is…

Hey pal its been awhile…

I know I missed your quick wit

Aw you’re sweet! 🙂

I know if I was a popsicle I would lick myself…

lol that sounds kind of bad

I know, I was trying to give you a visual but ended up giving myself a visual too and that was weird.

Yeah I bet lol. Speaking of popsicles I saw your boyfriend yesterday

Oh yeah what was he doing? And more importantly what was he wearing…

It was a nurses uniform and he was cleaning gutters at the old folks home. I saw his thighs.

…um I hope you told the bishop.

He sees them all the time, why do I have to tell him. Theres gutters at the bishops too ya know.

Oh right. Well at least they’re hot.

Yeah like bacon.

I had bacon once. It was a bad experience. lol

It wasnt fully cooked was it

no, it was still on the pig. I’m scared of pigs

You know people back in the olden days used to brush their teeth with the hair from a pigs butt!

While it was still on the pig?

Of course not silly! They pluck pigs once a week and save the hair.

Oh…that makes sense. Hey where’s that book you were telling me about yesterday?

The one about the orgasmic brownies?

No sicko! The one about how to clean ear wax out of your ear with a bobby pin.

O yeah, I dropped it in the toilet

How the heck did you do that?

It’s an inappropriate story…

hhhmmm I can just imagine.

Hey, I have my reasons and most of the time they are valid

Yeah? Like the time my cat got butt rash…Nothing was valid about that.

Well there are exceptions to everything. I didn’t know paprika was bad for cats.

There is such a thing as Wikipedia…

Do I look like a person who googles stuff like that?

Well you never know, you are kind of weird.

Yeah I do eat weird things but at least I wash my hands after.

Not with soap.

Soap stinks.

So does deodorant but you use that. Or wait…no you don’t. lol

Hey! I have a problem! I do everything I can.

Um growing your arm hair out and braiding it is not doing everything. In fact, its making things worse.

Well excuse me for trying to make myself dignified.

Dignified! The best you can do is barely civil!

You’re rude

Yeah. But I have a cute face 🙂

Cute in whose opinion?

That’s my sister. She keeps us laughing.


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